Your Source of Excellence by Sam Silverstein

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Usually, when we run into a challenge, we focus most of our effort on changing what we do…and we make little or no effort to change the way we think. Yet the power of thinking far outstrips the effects of doing. It is only when we change the way we think that we change what we do in a sustainable way. This is a key principle of accountable leadership: Action always follows belief. 

If you fix only the way you do something, but you are still thinking things through in a way that does not support your best self or the best potential of other people, your relationships will suffer, and you will descend into negativity when you encounter a challenge. On the other hand, if you fix the way you think by connecting yourself with the fountain of personal wisdom that I call your Source, you will automatically upgrade the way you do things—and improve all of your relationships. 

Your Source–the set of unique personal lessons, examples, and reference points that clarify your beliefs and instantly direct you toward your best course of action–enables you to turn even the gravest challenges into opportunities. 

Your Source always draws you toward the best person you are capable of being. It brings out the very best in you and in others. If you are in touch with your Source, you are in touch with your purpose in life. 

Your Source is clarified by Source Experiences. 

Action always follows belief. 

What Is a Source Experience? 

A Source Experience is an event, good or bad, that taught you an important lesson about life. From that lesson you gain clarity about what does and does not work for you…and you are able to trace what does work back to its origin: Your Source. 

That Source you track down could be a person who served as a mentor or guide to whom you kept coming back, or it could be a transformative personal experience (such as nearly dying), or it could be a book that you return to over and over again, such as the Torah, the New Testament, the Quran, the I Ching, or even The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Your Source is the foundation of your deepest and best beliefs. You encounter signposts along the way in life that point you toward your Source. Those signposts are Source Experiences. 

Let me give you an example of how all this works, an example from my own life. Growing up, I was lucky to have parents and others who taught me to treat people with respect and consideration. I was told countless times by the people I loved most, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” And: “Treat people the way you would want to be treated.” And: “Don’t discriminate against people based on their race or religion or anything else.” There were innumerable variations on this message. 

But even though I was taught these important lessons growing up, even though I knew intellectually that they were a vitally important part of family and social life, I had not internalized those lessons. I thought I had incorporated those lessons into my life, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of living according to them. But there came a day when I had to acknowledge to myself that I had not yet completely built what my parents had taught me into my belief system. 

 Here is what happened. About five years ago, I was heading home from a speaking engagement with my assistant, Sharon Miner. We were great working partners; she and I had become a team, a well-oiled machine that served as the engine of my business. 

That day, we were headed home—me to St. Louis, Missouri, and Sharon to Amarillo, Texas. We arrived at the airport early. I noticed there was an earlier flight to Amarillo than the one Sharon was booked on. I told her, “Look, there’s an earlier flight. You should get on it. You’ll get home quicker.” Sharon agreed. We went up to the gate agent. 

This is the part of the story where I need to tell you that Sharon is African American. She said to the little bald man behind the counter, “Hello, I’m on this other flight. I want to get an earlier flight. Is there any chance I can go standby?” 

 The airline worker looked her up and down, made a strange and dismissive expression with his face, and said in a derogatory tone, “I’m sorry, but you would have to have status to go standby on an earlier flight.”  

Not “Do you have such-and-such status with our airline?” Just: “You would have to have status to go standby on an earlier flight.” Because she was a woman of color, he made the automatic assumption that Sharon did not and could not have the status necessary to go standby!  

As it happened, Sharon had platinum status on that airline! 

She flew all the time! She was already qualified to go standby at no charge, at the top of the list. But the little man behind the counter had not seen fit to ask about any of that. 

Now, I was standing right by Sharon’s side, and I heard every word of this exchange. When the man said that, the experience literally pushed me backward. That is how stunned I was. I had to take half a step back. My eyes started to tear up a little bit. 

 At that moment, I felt for the first time what it was really like to be a person of color in the United States of America. To be instantly marginalized. Discounted. Dismissed. Based on absolutely zero meaningful information.  

That man had looked at her and seen the color of her skin and made an assumption about who Sharon was as a person. And in that moment I felt shame for the little bald man at the counter, shame for my country, and shame for myself at having made similar assumptions about people in the past. 

I stepped forward, and I intervened. I said, “She’s platinum with your airline. She qualifies.” 

The little man bristled but then realized he had made a huge mistake—and set about fixing it. Once we got the booking straightened out, Sharon and I turned and walked off. I looked at Sharon as we were walking. 

I said, “I know you have talked about this a million times. But I have never physically experienced that kind of discrimination before. And this time I did. This time I got a glimmer of what it must be like to have to go through something like that on a regular basis.”  

Connect to Your Source 

That, for me, was a defining moment—a Source Experience. That was a moment of understanding what it really meant to love another human being as myself. I deeply felt what Sharon was going through; I knew what was behind it from the airline worker’s standpoint, too, because I realized that like him, I had made plenty of assumptions about people based on zero meaningful information. But I also knew that that could not happen again, because making those kinds of assumptions was the exact opposite of what I had taught people for years and what I had always said I believed. 

That experience at the airport galvanized something deep inside of me. It was the moment when I realized in my gut that I could never participate in or support a situation like that ever again, even accidentally. I could never look at someone and prejudge them or make a determination about who they are or what they are capable of based on something superficial like the color of their skin. It may be easy to do that, but I realized in that moment that I could simply never allow myself to do it again. And I could never allow someone in my presence to do the same thing without my speaking up, regardless of whom I might offend. 

That day, I realized what love your neighbor as yourself really means…for me. After that incident at the airport, I had the opportunity to think very deeply about the principle of “love your neighbor as yourself.” And I found myself going back to the verse in the Torah from which it sprang: 

“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.” 

After that experience with Sharon at the airport, I realized that that verse had to be a central element of my code for living. It had to be something I took action on regularly. It had to be part of my belief system. Because it was my Source. And I had to connect to it if I wanted to be the person I was capable of being. 

That’s my Source. I don’t know what yours is. But I do know this: There is an art to transforming what you believe. Mastering that art begins with getting deep clarity on your Source…and it continues with making choices that support that Source. 

To learn more about the art of identifying and connecting with your Source, order Sam Silverstein’s book PIVOT: Three Big Questions That Reframe Your Perspective, Maximize Your Potential, and Improve Your Life! Sam Silverstein is dedicated to empowering people to live accountable lives, transform the way they do business, and create a more accountable world. He helps companies create an organizational culture that prioritizes and inspires accountability. You can follow Sam on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

Delayed Gratification by Jim Stovall

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

There is not one simple overriding key to success. Instead, there are a number of keys that make success possible. However, one of the most significant concepts among the keys to success is that of delayed gratification. Olympian Peter Vidmar said, “Don’t sacrifice what you want most for what you want now.” Few things in life that are worthwhile come easily or are attained quickly. 

I’ve long believed that there’s no shortcut to anywhere worth going. One of the most significant indicators of future success came to light through research done on preschool children that became known as The Marshmallow Test. In this research, a preschool-aged child was taken into a small room and told to sit at a table. On the table in front of them was one marshmallow. The only instructions given to the child was that they could eat the marshmallow now, or if they waited five minutes, the researcher would come back and give them a second marshmallow. That simple test proved to be an amazingly accurate indicator of how children would succeed throughout their education and career. 

Many of our ancestors grew up in an agrarian society. They lived on farms and daily observed the cycle of planting and harvesting. Farmers worked all year and basically had one payday after they harvested their crops. People who are willing to plow, plant, fertilize, and cultivate their fields in hopes of a good crop later in the year understand delayed gratification. 

Higher education offers many lessons in delayed gratification. Obviously, students are studying today putting in effort and energy that will pay off years down the road in the form of a degree. College students are often faced with the dilemma of enjoying a night out with friends now or studying for a test that will potentially result in a good grade later. Success in life comes when we can strike a balance between smelling the rose today and planting roses that will be enjoyed in the future.   

The recipe for failure is quite simply short-term, bad decisions repeated regularly. If you eat poorly today and neglect to exercise, it will have little, if any, effect on your long-term health. However, if you make it a regular, ongoing habit, it can literally kill you. The difficulty arises that if you eat well and exercise today, you won’t experience positive results as quickly as tomorrow. Success is cumulative. 

The regular, systematic investments in your retirement plan or investment portfolio will seem insignificant at the moment but will make you wealthy in the future. 

As you go through your day today, make choices that will bring you success in the future. 

Today’s the day! 

Jim Stovall is the president of Narrative Television Network as well as a published author of many books, including The Gift of Giving, co-authored with Don Green, the executive director of the Napoleon Hill Foundation. He is also a columnist and motivational speaker. Follow him on Twitter (@stovallauthor) or Facebook (@jimstovallauthor).

Recognize There Is Room to Grow by Ricky Kalmon

The human mind has an astounding capacity for learning. Unlike a computer’s hard drive, there is no limit to the knowledge and experiences that can be stored in it. However, some people believe that growth and learning only take place during our formative years, when we receive our formal education. That is not the case. In fact, unlike a person’s height or shoe size, the mind is the one part of the body that has an infinite ability to grow.  

The world around us is constantly evolving, and if we do not evolve and grow with it, we will become stagnant and place our success on a plateau.  

There is always room to grow—the mind has an incredible ability to change, adapt, and improve. This ability does not decline with age or with success. Personal and professional growth actually stimulate the mind, encourage innovation and creative thinking, and increase curiosity. Every new experience and piece of knowledge becomes part of the phenomenal encyclopedia stored in our mind. It is never lost—our subconscious continually refers to it in everything we do.  

Even CEOs and top leaders invest in their growth. They know that there is always room to grow, even at the top. Learning and growing must occur for a business to grow and adapt to changes. The same is true for people; they, too, must invest in their personal and professional development in order to increase their value. 

Learning and growth are like exercise for the mind. Just as we exercise our heart and muscles, we must continue throughout life to exercise our mind to keep it functioning at its best. Recognize that there is always room to grow and invest in learning every day. Don’t take it for granted—make a conscious effort to fuel your success by enriching your growth. Read a book, attend a workshop, take a class, get a new degree, or learn a new hobby or another language. Your mind is thirsty for knowledge and exercise—giving it permission to grow is the best investment you can make in your future. 

Ricky Kalmon is a mindset expert, motivational speaker, and celebrity hypnotist who delivers high-energy and motivational keynote programs that will change the way you live, work, and think. By creating awareness of your thoughts, Kalmon reveals how to enhance your mindset to eliminate doubt and ignite your positive intentions. Hi book Leverage Your Mindset: Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Amplify Your Life! is published by Sound Wisdom and available for preorder from these and other fine retailers: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, Porchlight Books, Google Play, and Apple Books. By purchasing the book, you’ll receive exclusive access to an audio support program on the Ricky Kalmon app. 

Accountability Is Not Just for the Workplace by Sam Silverstein

I spend a lot of time talking to teams and leaders about what accountability looks like on the organizational level—in the workplace. But it’s just as important to take a close look at accountability in our relationships with people outside of the workplace. In fact, I believe true accountability always starts at the level of the individual, not the level of the organization. 

Let me share an example of what accountability on the individual level looks like in action. I have a dear friend name Mike Domirtz. Mike doesn’t live in St. Louis, so I don’t see him a lot face to face. But I’ve known him for years, I keep in touch with him regularly, and he is a powerful, enduring, and positive presence in my life. 

Mike called me at the end of December last year and said, “Sam, I keep meaning to ask you, what’s your word for 2019? What one word are you going to keep coming back to, day after day, no matter what happens?” He often reaches out like that. 

As it happened, the word I had chosen for 2019, as my daily compass point, was gratitude. Mike and I started talking about gratitude: how important it is, the remarkable power it has to transform one’s perspective and one’s world, and why it made so much sense for me as a returning point of focus for the coming year.  

Throughout this conversation, Mike was supportive, thoughtful, and insightful, asking all the right questions and making lots of relevant observations. The call went on for about half an hour. When we got off the line, I couldn’t stop thinking about what an important person Mike was in my life. I realized I wanted more of those kinds of conversations—and that I wanted to be there for Mike in the same way he had just been there for me. 

That’s when I got to thinking about some other changes I wanted to make in 2019, based on the power of Mike’s personal example. For instance, I knew that I wanted to make a habit of prayer and journaling time in the early morning, and I knew that this kind of morning practice was already part of Mike’s routine. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became that there was an idea I needed to suggest to Mike. 

A couple of days later, I called Mike. I told him I wanted to start following his example of setting aside early-morning time for reflection and journaling. Then I suggested a mutual commitment that I thought would get 2019 off to a great start for each of us. What if we were to begin the day with some time to ourselves and some journaling…and then communicate with the other on a daily basis about how our morning time was going? What if we did a check-in call every morning for the following twenty-one days, so we could review what was working in our morning routine? What wasn’t? What were we noticing? What had we learned? What had we decided to change in our lives as a result of our prayer and journaling time? 

Mike instantly agreed. And the insights we have both gained from that process have been phenomenal. 

In the popular vernacular, Mike is—and has been for about a decade—my “accountability partner.” And I am his. But I think we take that relationship a little deeper than it usually goes. I’ve had a lot of accountability partners over the years. But in my experience, there is no one quite like Mike. There is a certain special synergy in our relationship. It’s not really me “holding Mike accountable” or Mike “holding me accountable.” We inspire each other to follow through on our commitments to ourselves to grow, develop, and learn. That’s how strong the relationship we’ve built is: It actually makes us want to be more accountable to our own best selves. That’s where the magic happens! 

Mike’s commitment to be accountable to me, to support my becoming the best possible version of myself, makes me want to return the favor—and it also makes me want to live up to the high standard he has set for me. That kind of inspiration is what makes great things possible, not just in the workplace, but everywhere else in life. 

I hope you have someone like Mike in your life—but more importantly, I hope you choose to be someone like Mike, in a relationship outside of the workplace. Do what Mike did: Reach out! Be accountable! Make a commitment to support someone’s becoming the best possible version of themselves! Inspire someone! 

Sam Silverstein is dedicated to empowering people to live accountable lives, transform the way they do business, and create a more accountable world. He helps companies create an organizational culture that prioritizes and inspires accountability. His latest book, I Am Accountable: Ten Choices That Create Deeper Meaning in Your Life, Your Organization, and Your World, is available tomorrow from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and Porchlight Books. You can follow Sam on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. 

Get Unstuck: Practice the Art of the Three Ps and Notice Amazing Results by Darlene Corbett

Three and a half years ago, my mother took a one-way flight to Heaven. After her departure, I began to think about the lessons she taught me. My mother was probably the quintessential extraordinaire when it came to the art of being polite, personable, and demonstrating the personal touch. Like many parents, she drummed into us the importance of saying “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome,” which was not unusual during the era in which I was raised. In addition, she went overboard with acknowledging people’s birthdays, anniversaries, and special events. When it came to her own children, she sent cards and gifts on other days as well, recognizing Valentine’s Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and any other day that merited attention. God forbid if we did not reciprocate. People who were acquainted with my mother always appreciated her acknowledgment of their special day at even an older age when such notifications were almost null. Now my mother was a bit over the top when it came to such occasions, but I am most appreciative of her persistence about the importance of being polite, personable, and demonstrating the personal touch.   

Being Polite  

Many years ago, I was walking across a very busy street with bags in each hand. I was trying to get to my office, and traffic was relentless. Finally, some decent soul allowed me to cross the street. As I hurried along, I did not acknowledge the person who, unlike many others, politely stopped their car to allow me to pass. Moving along without saying thank you, this particular driver shouted out to me “You are welcome.” I realized how right he was and turned around and shouted out a hearty, “Thank you.” I never forgot this small but significant act of kindness, and since that time, I have not forsaken my embedded need to practice the art of being polite with a “thank you.” 

Being polite with authenticity is truly an art. Expressions of gratitude should be heartfelt and not rote. Not only does it convey to the giver you are sincere, but giving it all you have makes you, the recipient, feel good. Try it out! You will begin to notice a warm inner feeling by revealing your appreciation.   

Being Personable  

I get it. Not everyone is an extrovert, which may make it challenging to be friendly and engaging. With that said, we have to function in society, so what do you have to lose by trying even minimally to being personable? 

First thing, start with a smile! If it is difficult, practice, practice, and practice. When you are walking down the street and catch someone’s eye, smile and say, “Hello.” Most of the time, it will be reciprocated. Even in so-called aloof New England, this is effective. How do I know? Because often, I give it a try.  

Second, whether you are in the grocery store, a bank, or any other place you are serviced, say “hello” with a form of “how are you?” These employees whom you encounter and are tirelessly putting out food or dealing with money are often diligent workers, on their feet much of the day, and possibly feeling invisible. A friendly exchange can make a world of difference. You do not know how you might impact them. In fact, we often may never know, but what if they are having a bad day? A warm interaction can alter their outlook even temporarily. 

Ah, the Personal Touch  

Finally, the personal touch is the supreme form of appreciation and recognition! The polite and the personable are a part of this, but there is more. How about the old-fashioned but ageless personal connection? Yes, I am talking about the world before texting, e-mailing, facebooking, tweeting, linking in, gmailing, and other forms of impersonal communication? Truly, there is nothing like the personal touch! A thank you note that is written with your unique penmanship and tailored specifically for the person at hand is irreplaceable.  

Although texts and e-mails can be efficient, more effective is a phone call with a human voice and all of the nuanced emotions that accompany it. How about face-to-face contact? Along with other species, we are social beings, and although some require more communication with a living creature than others, everyone wants it in some form. Remember the film Cast Away? Tom Hanks plays a survivor who is stranded on an island for years. He creates a face on an inanimate object just to experience something remotely familiar. How about infants’ ability to thrive and attach? Without the warmth of human connection, they often suffer irreparable damage. As much as AI and robotic exchanges are on the rise, I hypothesize nothing will ever replace the human relationship.  

Finally, no matter how people try to measure behavior, some expressions are immeasurable such as the healing power of love. Along with kind and thoughtful human beings, the unconditional love of a pet is often a corrective experience, especially for those who have suffered irrevocable loss. We humans are most blessed to have these incredible creatures as a part of our lives. They provide an abundance of love and ask for so little. Although some would debate the intelligence of canine and feline companions, for this particular matter, well, does it really matter? Whether or not they realize it, these furry four-legged creatures’ generous offerings of warmth and cuddles to a willing recipient are examples of the power of the personal touch. 

Think about the power of connection and the personal touch! They can make all of the difference in the world. Comforting words, a heartfelt hug, cradling a child, or petting a welcoming four-legged friend are invaluable. You cannot put a price tag on them. 

Do you believe in the art of the polite, the personable, and the personal touch? If you haven’t focused on these three elements, notice not only how the other person experiences it, but also how these gestures might transform you. Begin to make a concerted effort, and watch what happens! You will be simply amazed by its power of helping you get unstuck. 

Darlene Corbett is a keynote speaker, success coach, and licensed therapist who is committed to helping people become “unstuck” through visualization and scripting so that they can live their lives to the fullest. Her book Stop Depriving the World of You: A Guide for Getting Unstuck is available to purchase from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and many other fine retailers. 

Change Your Mind and Your Life by Jim Stovall

Behavioral scientists have long debated whether we are most impacted by nature or nurture. The argument is made up of professionals who believe we are products of our genetic makeup and those who believe we are molded by our environment. As a student of behavioral science, I find it impossible to imagine that we are not impacted both by our DNA as well as the world around us.

The element that most scientists overlook is that we all have the ability to change our minds. We can be born with certain abilities or disabilities but decide to pursue a myriad of possibilities within our lives. As a blind person myself due to a genetic disorder, I am limited in how I do certain things far more than which things I choose to do. I have written more than 30 books, and eight of them have been made into movies or are in production now. This means I write books I can’t see that are made into movies I can’t watch. 

Recently, there have been extensive studies of twins who grew up in homes with alcoholic parents. These studies revealed that, given the same genetic makeup and environment, one sibling might become an incurable alcoholic while the other twin might choose to never touch a drop of alcohol throughout their life. We are impacted by our genetics and environment, but we get to choose how we are impacted. 

My late, great colleague and mentor Dr. Wayne Dyer bought a house on the beach in a new development in Hawaii. Every day as Dr. Dyer walked on the beach, he encountered new neighbors who were moving into the development. One morning he confronted a gentleman who had just moved to Hawaii from New Jersey. The gentleman asked Dr. Dyer, “What are people like here? Are they friendly?” Dr. Dyer considered it a moment and then asked, “What are people like where you come from?” The gentleman blurted out, “They are rude, thoughtless, and annoying.” Dr. Dyer responded, “You’ll find people to be about the same here.”

As Dr. Dyer continued his walk, he was confronted by an elderly lady who had just relocated from Nebraska. She asked, “Are the residents here nice?” Dr. Dyer inquired, “Are people nice where you come from?” She smiled and said enthusiastically, “Yes! People in Nebraska are friendly, giving, and loving.” Dr. Dyer smiled and stated, “You’ll find people here in Hawaii to be just the same.”

Environment and heredity determine where we start, but we determine where we finish. 

As you go through your day today, embrace the good, reject the bad, and create the life you want.

Today’s the day!

This and other motivational pieces by bestselling author Jim Stovall can be found in his latest collection of columns, Wisdom for Winners Volume Four, an official publication of the Napoleon Hill Foundation.