Get Unstuck: Practice the Art of the Three Ps and Notice Amazing Results by Darlene Corbett

Three and a half years ago, my mother took a one-way flight to Heaven. After her departure, I began to think about the lessons she taught me. My mother was probably the quintessential extraordinaire when it came to the art of being polite, personable, and demonstrating the personal touch. Like many parents, she drummed into us the importance of saying “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome,” which was not unusual during the era in which I was raised. In addition, she went overboard with acknowledging people’s birthdays, anniversaries, and special events. When it came to her own children, she sent cards and gifts on other days as well, recognizing Valentine’s Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and any other day that merited attention. God forbid if we did not reciprocate. People who were acquainted with my mother always appreciated her acknowledgment of their special day at even an older age when such notifications were almost null. Now my mother was a bit over the top when it came to such occasions, but I am most appreciative of her persistence about the importance of being polite, personable, and demonstrating the personal touch.   

Being Polite  

Many years ago, I was walking across a very busy street with bags in each hand. I was trying to get to my office, and traffic was relentless. Finally, some decent soul allowed me to cross the street. As I hurried along, I did not acknowledge the person who, unlike many others, politely stopped their car to allow me to pass. Moving along without saying thank you, this particular driver shouted out to me “You are welcome.” I realized how right he was and turned around and shouted out a hearty, “Thank you.” I never forgot this small but significant act of kindness, and since that time, I have not forsaken my embedded need to practice the art of being polite with a “thank you.” 

Being polite with authenticity is truly an art. Expressions of gratitude should be heartfelt and not rote. Not only does it convey to the giver you are sincere, but giving it all you have makes you, the recipient, feel good. Try it out! You will begin to notice a warm inner feeling by revealing your appreciation.   

Being Personable  

I get it. Not everyone is an extrovert, which may make it challenging to be friendly and engaging. With that said, we have to function in society, so what do you have to lose by trying even minimally to being personable? 

First thing, start with a smile! If it is difficult, practice, practice, and practice. When you are walking down the street and catch someone’s eye, smile and say, “Hello.” Most of the time, it will be reciprocated. Even in so-called aloof New England, this is effective. How do I know? Because often, I give it a try.  

Second, whether you are in the grocery store, a bank, or any other place you are serviced, say “hello” with a form of “how are you?” These employees whom you encounter and are tirelessly putting out food or dealing with money are often diligent workers, on their feet much of the day, and possibly feeling invisible. A friendly exchange can make a world of difference. You do not know how you might impact them. In fact, we often may never know, but what if they are having a bad day? A warm interaction can alter their outlook even temporarily. 

Ah, the Personal Touch  

Finally, the personal touch is the supreme form of appreciation and recognition! The polite and the personable are a part of this, but there is more. How about the old-fashioned but ageless personal connection? Yes, I am talking about the world before texting, e-mailing, facebooking, tweeting, linking in, gmailing, and other forms of impersonal communication? Truly, there is nothing like the personal touch! A thank you note that is written with your unique penmanship and tailored specifically for the person at hand is irreplaceable.  

Although texts and e-mails can be efficient, more effective is a phone call with a human voice and all of the nuanced emotions that accompany it. How about face-to-face contact? Along with other species, we are social beings, and although some require more communication with a living creature than others, everyone wants it in some form. Remember the film Cast Away? Tom Hanks plays a survivor who is stranded on an island for years. He creates a face on an inanimate object just to experience something remotely familiar. How about infants’ ability to thrive and attach? Without the warmth of human connection, they often suffer irreparable damage. As much as AI and robotic exchanges are on the rise, I hypothesize nothing will ever replace the human relationship.  

Finally, no matter how people try to measure behavior, some expressions are immeasurable such as the healing power of love. Along with kind and thoughtful human beings, the unconditional love of a pet is often a corrective experience, especially for those who have suffered irrevocable loss. We humans are most blessed to have these incredible creatures as a part of our lives. They provide an abundance of love and ask for so little. Although some would debate the intelligence of canine and feline companions, for this particular matter, well, does it really matter? Whether or not they realize it, these furry four-legged creatures’ generous offerings of warmth and cuddles to a willing recipient are examples of the power of the personal touch. 

Think about the power of connection and the personal touch! They can make all of the difference in the world. Comforting words, a heartfelt hug, cradling a child, or petting a welcoming four-legged friend are invaluable. You cannot put a price tag on them. 

Do you believe in the art of the polite, the personable, and the personal touch? If you haven’t focused on these three elements, notice not only how the other person experiences it, but also how these gestures might transform you. Begin to make a concerted effort, and watch what happens! You will be simply amazed by its power of helping you get unstuck. 

Darlene Corbett is a keynote speaker, success coach, and licensed therapist who is committed to helping people become “unstuck” through visualization and scripting so that they can live their lives to the fullest. Her book Stop Depriving the World of You: A Guide for Getting Unstuck is available to purchase from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and many other fine retailers. 

Do You Believe in the Power of Love After Sixty? by Darlene Corbett

Many years ago, a lovely client showed me a bracelet her husband had gifted her for a special occasion. Inscribed was a beautiful quote by Robert Browning sent to his beloved Elizabeth Barrett Browning. 

I never forgot the words: “Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be. The last of life for which the first was made.” I could not imagine something lovelier, and I was only 30–31 years old at the time. 

Love in the Second Half of Life 

If you find yourself in that second half of life, think about the beauty of such a statement. Truly, this is the part of the journey where the rose has fully bloomed as a result of the seeds sowed in the first half. 

Love at this remarkable juncture can be more passionate and fulfilling than ever imagined, even for those who experienced it in days gone by. 

Valentine season is all around us. For those who recognize the magical ingredients of love, do not forget that it is not only for the young. 

Many sexagenarian women have listened carefully to wellness experts and subscribe to a healthier lifestyle. As a result, in comparison to their predecessors, they are living longer and more fruitful lives. 

Because they remain vibrant, many women continue to yearn for love and passion at this later season of life. And why not? 

I know three lovely ladies in their 60s who believe in the possibility of later love. All three have been divorced for over a decade. Here are their stories. 

Belinda and the World of Online Dating 

Belinda, a generous, attractive woman, left a very abusive relationship. After healing over the course of many years, she has courageously ventured into the feckless world of online dating. 

With aplomb, Belinda has navigated the unpredictability of dating new people. Although she is frustrated and may take a hiatus, Belinda is determined to continue her pursuit of love, and as I remind her, deservingly so.

Maeve and Her Younger Man 

Maeve, a beautiful woman, was emotionally starved during a ten-year marriage. Her withholding and somewhat mentally abusive husband left her. Finally recognizing she deserved better, Maeve opened herself to love. 

At the beginning of her voyage into the world of the unattached, she met a younger man who asked her on a date, perceiving her to be much younger than 52. 

When Maeve declined and shared her age, he was incredulous about her desire to engage in the act of love and boldly asked, “You still want to do it?” Well, actions speak louder than words, and yes, Maeve not only wanted, but did it. 

Over the next couple of years, she became involved in two passionate relationships. Although those relationships came to an end, Maeve did not succumb to defeat. Now she is 60 and is still pursuing love with the right man and remains open to the possibilities. I say, “You go, girl!” 

Katrina and Meaningful Relationships 

Katrina is a lovely woman who continues to look for love after leaving a very unfulfilling marriage over a decade ago. She wanted to divorce much sooner, but her children begged her to remain in the marriage. 

Temporarily, Katrina acquiesced to their request. Once the children were adults, she was able to make the break. Since that time, Katrina has had two meaningful relationships. The last one, about three years ago, was with a man with whom she planned on spending the rest of her life. 

Unfortunately, as things are not always as they seem, neither are people. This man abruptly ended the relationship through a text message. Later, she discovered he was a charlatan. As we discussed, better to find out before a more permanent living or financial arrangement ensued. 

Katrina continues to be optimistic. Recently, she had a few dates with a pleasant man with whom she does not feel a connection. 

She realizes the challenge of meeting someone who might be the right fit. Well-intentioned relatives remind her of this difficulty and encourage her to give this man more of a chance. 

Katrina shared with me that she would rather take the risk of looking for a better match than settle for the sake of having a partner. As she is aware, I support her determination and courage to take the risk of pursuing her true heart’s desire, and wish her well.

Do You Miss Romantic Love? 

The Valentine season is a reminder of the importance of love. When pierced by Cupid’s arrow, the feeling of romantic love can be utterly exquisite and ageless in its scope. 

To experience this potency, some people will often chance the agony of unreciprocated love for the possibility of tasting such ecstasy. 

Legend states that Valentine performed weddings for soldiers forbidden to marry under the Roman Empire. If there is any truth to this, he obviously recognized and respected the wonder of love. 

Valentine’s determination to conduct the sacred ritual was so great it rendered the ultimate sacrifice for him. 

Do you believe in the power of love? What kind of love are you experiencing in your life? Do you believe in love occurring during the last stages of life? More importantly, do you believe in the possibilities? Please share your thoughts below. 

This article originally appeared here on Sixty and Me. 

Darlene Corbett is a keynote speaker, success coach, and licensed therapist who is committed to helping people become “unstuck” through visualization and scripting so that they can live their lives to the fullest. Her book Stop Depriving the World of You: A Guide for Getting Unstuck is available to purchase from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and many other fine retailers on November 20, 2018.  

Get Unstuck Through the Practice of Mental Rehearsal by Darlene Corbett

Do you ever feel stuck? Of course you do, and since life is full of obstacle courses, you will continue to face many throughout your life. What is a potent way to become unstuck and reach that next pinnacle of success? Well, one way is through repeat mental rehearsal, also viewed as intense visualization. I have witnessed the effectiveness of this practice for over twenty years and have developed some simple techniques of visualization and writing to help people get unstuck. A more expansive version can be found in my book, Stop Depriving the World of You.   

Visualization is elevated in mental rehearsal. If you are dubious of its usefulness, look at the studies that show the results of mental versus physical rehearsal. The results will astound you. In his fabulous book The Brain That Changes Itself, Brian Doidge gives an example of a more advanced form of mental rehearsal known as mental chess. He shares the story of a human rights activist who not only survived solitary confinement with the practice of mental chess, but years later managed to beat the world champion Gary Kasparov. Although many of us may never reach such lofty heights, we can obtain greater confidence, motivation, and performance by mentally rehearsing through visualizing, writing, and visualizing again.  

As a mind/body activity, writing is an important step in this process. The physical movement of writing (even typing) not only helps redirect your thought process but actuates visualization. Doing this on a regular basis will help you get unstuck. The more often you do it, the more you are producing a new habit, which automatically promotes change. 

Now take a piece of paper and write the first four letters from the word Unstuck. You can also take four sheets of paper and write each letter on a separate sheet. Once you do this, you are ready to assign positive words to each letter. 

Let us start with Unique for the letter U. Just having your own DNA makes you unique. Reflect on everything within you that makes you, well, you. Now think about the fact that you are entrepreneurial or at least willing to give it some consideration. Being entrepreneurial makes the unique you more unique. You are a risk taker and believer in a unique business and/or idea. Think about this uniqueness; then close your eyes for a moment and visualize the unique you. Now return to the pen and paper and write down a few words of what you envisioned next to the word unique.  

N is a fitting second letter for unstuck, and what could be a better word for N than New? Why? The reality is that nothing stays the same. An entrepreneur embraces new, always keeping his or her eye on the prize. Being open to new when something isn’t working is a crucial aspect of getting unstuck. The word new is inviting and reminds us of the possibilities. What is the point of focusing on days gone by? When you’ve had constant rejection, remind yourself that a new chapter is beginning. How many times do babies fall before they walk steadily on their feet? Their desire to move supersedes all else. Go ahead and visualize something new that you could begin to incorporate. It could be as simple as changing the language in how you approach things tomorrow, adding or delegating a task, moving the time you attend to a particular activity. Once you have decided on your newness, write it next to the word New. Recognize that generating one change will alter the course of events in the near future without knowing how or when. Most importantly, allow yourself to get excited about trying something new and congratulate yourself for doing so.  

For the letter S, I suggest Strength. This is one of my favorite visualizations for mental rehearsal as it is for many of my clients who have practiced it. I modified the original form I learned from the late Dr. Claire Frederick. What I suggest you do is close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just imagine your inner strength. Is it an image, thought, feeling, sound or a memory of your power shining through? Whatever it is, write it down next to the word strength. When in need, close your eyes and evoke your inner strength. Do this on a regular basis and watch what happens. 

Tenacity is for T. Many of us recall the Greek myth of Sisyphus who was condemned to roll a massive ball up a hill repeatedly. Now obviously, this is a myth, but sometimes we feel like Sisyphus. The beauty is that tenacity provides us with the will to keep going, and eventually, maybe with an adjustment or two, the ball will go over the hill. If you look throughout the ages as well as current times, the most gifted or brilliant person is not usually the one to achieve the crown of success. No, the most tenacious frequently gets the reward. Visualize yourself in a situation that draws on your tenacity. Write down a few words you can associate with it, and then visualize it again.    

Continue to practice all four steps, and as you get ready to approach your next lead, investor, or anyone whose assistance you will require, visualize yourself going into the meeting as you tap into all you have incorporated. Again, write it down, close your eyes, and visualize the scene again. Notice a difference. There will be one. Not only will you experience it, but you will project it.   

Being an entrepreneur is a creative, courageous, and exciting endeavor but, at times, a daunting one. Even in the best of circumstances, human beings get stuck, but when you walk to the beat of a different drummer, the voices of doubt may ring louder when stuckness ensues. If this is you, go ahead and practice these simple techniques of mental rehearsal and celebrate your Uniqueness, Newness, Strength, and Tenacity. If you visualize, write, and visualize again, this exercise will eventually transform the way you think. A new idea may foment in your mind. A solution to a problem may begin to take root. Motivation and mobilization will energize. Whatever happens, because you are practicing a new approach, change will occur in some form. Within a short time, you will come to subscribe to the belief that mental rehearsal cannot only help you get unstuck, but perhaps also bring you opportunity in ways you may have never thought possible.  

Darlene Corbett is a keynote speaker, success coach, and licensed therapist who is committed to helping people become “unstuck” through visualization and scripting so that they can live their lives to the fullest. Her book Stop Depriving the World of You: A Guide for Getting Unstuck is available to purchase from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, and many other fine retailers on November 20, 2018.